Tonight at bed time.
Elijah: Mommy, sometimes I feel like a hot rod and I just want to be a plain old Ford.
Me: Explain more please.
Elijah: You know how a hot rod revs up its engine and goes from 0-60 in like 2 seconds. Then you drive it fast like 3 times and it breaks down and its just a mess.
Me: Yup. How is that like you again?
Elijah: I get all mad too quickly instead of having peace. (Yes, he said that.) Instead, I just want to be a good old steady Ford. Just running all of the time, not speeding too fast, overheating and breaking down.
Me: That sounds like a great goal. You know the fruits of the spirit we talked about tonight with your brothers?
Elijah: Yeah. When you were praying about the fruits I was thinking I've got them all covered except for the self-control one. It's like a tiny little green tomato and the rest are big fat red ones, especially the love one. I've got lots of love. Its like that big green tomato we saw in the garden tonight only mine is red and ripe. I even started crying when you were praying tonight. But the self control one... I'm still working on that one. Its not ripe yet.
A beautiful conversation with this son who tries my patience on so many days. We prayed a precious prayer together, asking for help with self-control for him and patience for Mommy. So blessed and thankful tonight.
Showing posts with label soul care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soul care. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Rainy Day Goodness
So, off he went. We watched him for a while, dancing around in the huge drops, all by himself. At one point he looked like he was talking to himself and Eric said, "He's making up a great story out there for himself."
Skip ahead to bed time tonight. I was reading a devotional book to the boys and the we came to the prayer time after the lesson. All of a sudden, Micah said, "I prayed outside today."
I said, "That's great! What did you pray about?"
He announced without hesitation, "I prayed out loud to God and asked him to come into my heart."
I told him that was fantastic and that I was so happy for him. I told him it is an important decision and that God waits and waits to be invited into our lives because he loves us, and He wants to forgive us and help us love Him other people better.
He said, "That's what I prayed too. That he would forgive me."
I asked him how it felt.
He spread his hands across the top part of his chest and said, "It felt all warm in here, and really good. It felt really happy and nice." Then he smiled the hugest smile I've seen from him.
I love it that he was alone in the pouring rain when he made this decision.
I love it that he knew words to pray to express what he was feeling.
I love it that he felt free to announce his prayer in front of his brothers and me.
I love it that he waited until the time was right for him. (We've had conversion conversations several times, and each time he expressed that he wasn't ready to decide)
I love it that God orchestrated our evening so that he could share his experience with us tonight. There was time and a peaceful space.
I love it that Jesus met Micah in the rain today.
Thank you Jesus. Be present in our dear son's heart, soul and mind always.
Amen.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
It's Been A While
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| Micah was loving this attention, don't let the body language fool you. Check out his grin. |
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| Athan after a long walk, enjoying a snack while a crazy looking bike rider enters the square from behind him. |
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| Morgan. Sweet girl, full of life and imagination, riding the purple bike statue. |
We've been playing outside LOTS since spring weather is finally here, enjoying backyard baseball with the neighbor kids, skateboarding and roller blading. Eric and Erin are both in stressy season right now. Local church conference and Easter back to back have Eric at lots of evening meetings, and Erin is recovering from mid-term projects and tromping on toward final projects. Everything feels controlled right now- not chaos, and I can tell we're not overly busy because we still make time for weekly family movie nights, walks with the dog and movies/TV time without kids too. And, we just finished up a round of swimming lessons for the kids. Everyone can swim to some extent- some better than others- but we all have basic skills.
School has afforded us lots of opportunity to learn about how other people live differently than we do.
- My friends play video games whenever they want.
- Everyone I know is allowed to watch Spongebob
- What does "retarded" mean when someone says it in a mean way?
And other lovely conversations like why calling a girl on the bus "sexy Lexy" is not the same as "Funny Lexy," or "Silly Lexy." Isaiah and Elijah both got into some trouble on the bus recently, but it was a case of dealing with some name-calling. They may not have made the best choices in handling the kid who was doing the teasing, but again, more opportunities to talk about patience, and grown-up skills like ignoring the kid who is bigger and older and should know better but doesn't. And, the administrator at school who talked to them both called to tell me how wonderful they both were as she disciplined them- how sorry and genuine and lovely they both were as they respectfully took their consequence and didn't argue or get angry.
And I'm probably most excited to write about our very recent evening Bible and prayer times. I think the trials they've experienced at school this year have helped them mature into a sense of why we need God. They have caught very small glimpses of the sin in other people and in themselves, and it is changing them.
We had taken a break for a few months from bedtime Bible reading and family prayer. I'm not sure why, but we had, and I don't feel like it was a negligent thing, just a season. We started up the tradition again recently, and it's different. Everyone is silent and still while Mommy or Daddy prays and we pray slowly and deliberately for quite a few minutes ( a far cry from our hurried, pray, pray, stop-that, pray pray, be-quiet, lay-still prayers of before). Elijah has started joining in to pray a few words here and there when he feels that I haven't given enough detail- all on his own and very sincerely. There is peace and stillness that surrounds our prayer time and it is genuine instead of rushed and "required" as a part of the routine. They are growing and changing inside and out.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Productivity
Author Norman Mailer says, "Over the years, I've found one rule. It is the only one I give on those occasions when I talk about writing. A simple rule. If you tell yourself you are going to be at your desk tomorrow, you are by that declaration asking your unconscious to prepare the material. You are, in effect, contracting to pick up such valuables at a given time. Count on me, you are saying to a few forces below: I will be there to write."
Isn't the same true with any discipline we're trying to develop? Count on me, I'll be there to pray or read or talk or write a letter... instead of waiting for inspiration.
Isn't the same true with any discipline we're trying to develop? Count on me, I'll be there to pray or read or talk or write a letter... instead of waiting for inspiration.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The introvert in me
"But I would like to go away on Sunday morning to the heart of some great solemn wood and sit down among the ferns with only the companionship of the trees and the wood-winds echoing through the dim, moss-hung aisles like the strains of some vast cathedral anthem. And I would stay there for hours alone with nature and my own soul." L M Montgomery from a post of Marilyn Elliot's.
Incredible words that reminded me of the first way I knew God- the, at times, intimidating but always majestic, peaceful God who met me in the woods and fields of Rosedale on more than one Sunday afternoon. I felt a small moment of this on a run here in Keymar yesterday; there is nothing quite like it for me.
Incredible words that reminded me of the first way I knew God- the, at times, intimidating but always majestic, peaceful God who met me in the woods and fields of Rosedale on more than one Sunday afternoon. I felt a small moment of this on a run here in Keymar yesterday; there is nothing quite like it for me.
Monday, May 17, 2010
New York Times Op-ed from February
The New York Times
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
Published: February 27, 2010
For most of the last century, save-the-worlders were primarily Democrats and liberals. In contrast, many Republicans and religious conservatives denounced government aid programs, with Senator Jesse Helms calling them “money down a rat hole.”
Over the last decade, however, that divide has dissolved, in ways that many Americans haven’t noticed or appreciated. Evangelicals have become the new internationalists, pushing successfully for new American programs against AIDS and malaria, and doing superb work on issues from human trafficking in India to mass rape in Congo.
A pop quiz: What’s the largest U.S.-based international relief and development organization?
It’s not Save the Children, and it’s not CARE — both terrific secular organizations. Rather, it’s World Vision, a Seattle-based Christian organization (with strong evangelical roots) whose budget has roughly tripled over the last decade.
World Vision now has 40,000 staff members in nearly 100 countries. That’s more staff members than CARE, Save the Children and the worldwide operations of the United States Agency for International Development — combined.
A growing number of conservative Christians are explicitly and self-critically acknowledging that to be “pro-life” must mean more than opposing abortion. The head of World Vision in the United States, Richard Stearns, begins his fascinating book, “The Hole in Our Gospel,” with an account of a visit a decade ago to Uganda, where he met a 13-year-old AIDS orphan who was raising his younger brothers by himself.
“What sickened me most was this question: where was the Church?” he writes. “Where were the followers of Jesus Christ in the midst of perhaps the greatest humanitarian crisis of our time? Surely the Church should have been caring for these ‘orphans and widows in their distress.’ (James 1:27). Shouldn’t the pulpits across America have flamed with exhortations to rush to the front lines of compassion?
“How have we missed it so tragically, when even rock stars and Hollywood actors seem to understand?”
Mr. Stearns argues that evangelicals were often so focused on sexual morality and a personal relationship with God that they ignored the needy. He writes laceratingly about “a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics.”
In one striking passage, Mr. Stearns quotes the prophet Ezekiel as saying that the great sin of the people of Sodom wasn’t so much that they were promiscuous or gay as that they were “arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” (Ezekiel 16:49.)
Hmm. Imagine if sodomy laws could be used to punish the stingy, unconcerned rich!
The American view of evangelicals is still shaped by preening television blowhards and hypocrites who seem obsessed with gays and fetuses. One study cited in the book found that even among churchgoers ages 16 to 29, the descriptions most associated with Christianity were “antihomosexual,” “judgmental,” “too involved in politics,” and “hypocritical.”
Some conservative Christians reinforced the worst view of themselves by inspiring Ugandan homophobes who backed a bill that would punish gays with life imprisonment or execution. Ditto for the Vatican, whose hostility to condoms contributes to the AIDS epidemic. But there’s more to the picture: I’ve also seen many Catholic nuns and priests heroically caring for AIDS patients — even quietly handing out condoms.
One of the most inspiring figures I’ve met while covering Congo’s brutal civil war is a determined Polish nun in the terrifying hinterland, feeding orphans, standing up to drunken soldiers and comforting survivors — all in a war zone. I came back and decided: I want to grow up and become a Polish nun.
Some Americans assume that religious groups offer aid to entice converts. That’s incorrect. Today, groups like World Vision ban the use of aid to lure anyone into a religious conversation.
Some liberals are pushing to end the longtime practice (it’s a myth that this started with President George W. Bush) of channeling American aid through faith-based organizations. That change would be a catastrophe. In Haiti, more than half of food distributions go through religious groups like World Vision that have indispensable networks on the ground. We mustn’t make Haitians the casualties in our cultural wars.
A root problem is a liberal snobbishness toward faith-based organizations. Those doing the sneering typically give away far less money than evangelicals. They’re also less likely to spend vacations volunteering at, say, a school or a clinic in Rwanda.
If secular liberals can give up some of their snootiness, and if evangelicals can retire some of their sanctimony, then we all might succeed together in making greater progress against common enemies of humanity, like illiteracy, human trafficking and maternal mortality.
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
Published: February 27, 2010
For most of the last century, save-the-worlders were primarily Democrats and liberals. In contrast, many Republicans and religious conservatives denounced government aid programs, with Senator Jesse Helms calling them “money down a rat hole.”
Over the last decade, however, that divide has dissolved, in ways that many Americans haven’t noticed or appreciated. Evangelicals have become the new internationalists, pushing successfully for new American programs against AIDS and malaria, and doing superb work on issues from human trafficking in India to mass rape in Congo.
A pop quiz: What’s the largest U.S.-based international relief and development organization?
It’s not Save the Children, and it’s not CARE — both terrific secular organizations. Rather, it’s World Vision, a Seattle-based Christian organization (with strong evangelical roots) whose budget has roughly tripled over the last decade.
World Vision now has 40,000 staff members in nearly 100 countries. That’s more staff members than CARE, Save the Children and the worldwide operations of the United States Agency for International Development — combined.
A growing number of conservative Christians are explicitly and self-critically acknowledging that to be “pro-life” must mean more than opposing abortion. The head of World Vision in the United States, Richard Stearns, begins his fascinating book, “The Hole in Our Gospel,” with an account of a visit a decade ago to Uganda, where he met a 13-year-old AIDS orphan who was raising his younger brothers by himself.
“What sickened me most was this question: where was the Church?” he writes. “Where were the followers of Jesus Christ in the midst of perhaps the greatest humanitarian crisis of our time? Surely the Church should have been caring for these ‘orphans and widows in their distress.’ (James 1:27). Shouldn’t the pulpits across America have flamed with exhortations to rush to the front lines of compassion?
“How have we missed it so tragically, when even rock stars and Hollywood actors seem to understand?”
Mr. Stearns argues that evangelicals were often so focused on sexual morality and a personal relationship with God that they ignored the needy. He writes laceratingly about “a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics.”
In one striking passage, Mr. Stearns quotes the prophet Ezekiel as saying that the great sin of the people of Sodom wasn’t so much that they were promiscuous or gay as that they were “arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” (Ezekiel 16:49.)
Hmm. Imagine if sodomy laws could be used to punish the stingy, unconcerned rich!
The American view of evangelicals is still shaped by preening television blowhards and hypocrites who seem obsessed with gays and fetuses. One study cited in the book found that even among churchgoers ages 16 to 29, the descriptions most associated with Christianity were “antihomosexual,” “judgmental,” “too involved in politics,” and “hypocritical.”
Some conservative Christians reinforced the worst view of themselves by inspiring Ugandan homophobes who backed a bill that would punish gays with life imprisonment or execution. Ditto for the Vatican, whose hostility to condoms contributes to the AIDS epidemic. But there’s more to the picture: I’ve also seen many Catholic nuns and priests heroically caring for AIDS patients — even quietly handing out condoms.
One of the most inspiring figures I’ve met while covering Congo’s brutal civil war is a determined Polish nun in the terrifying hinterland, feeding orphans, standing up to drunken soldiers and comforting survivors — all in a war zone. I came back and decided: I want to grow up and become a Polish nun.
Some Americans assume that religious groups offer aid to entice converts. That’s incorrect. Today, groups like World Vision ban the use of aid to lure anyone into a religious conversation.
Some liberals are pushing to end the longtime practice (it’s a myth that this started with President George W. Bush) of channeling American aid through faith-based organizations. That change would be a catastrophe. In Haiti, more than half of food distributions go through religious groups like World Vision that have indispensable networks on the ground. We mustn’t make Haitians the casualties in our cultural wars.
A root problem is a liberal snobbishness toward faith-based organizations. Those doing the sneering typically give away far less money than evangelicals. They’re also less likely to spend vacations volunteering at, say, a school or a clinic in Rwanda.
If secular liberals can give up some of their snootiness, and if evangelicals can retire some of their sanctimony, then we all might succeed together in making greater progress against common enemies of humanity, like illiteracy, human trafficking and maternal mortality.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
FROM A STUDENT
Grading memoirs today and ran across this 14 year old girl's piece. Here is part of it:
ANOTHER ONE- She writes:
We had listened to them fighting. I was in my room, hiding, scared. My brother came and got me. We ran into his bed room, and closed the door noiselessly. We turned on his TV with the volume up loud, but that only muffled the sound of our parents fighting. I sat down on the wooden ladder, staring at the door knob, waiting for something to happen that would make this all disappear. The noise finally stopped, the door knob turned. I ran to my dad and hugged him. He said we needed to talk. We took a ride in his truck with its blackish purplish color that I so much adored.
The divorce all happened at once. The word we didn't understand had the power to tare a family apart. The tears ran down my face like rain. This memory haunts me. It is truly the one thing I can remember from my childhood.A reminder to me today. This is part of my calling- to do whatever I can to bring the healing power of Jesus to hurting marriages.
ANOTHER ONE- She writes:
...This went on and finally my dad told me about my mom cheating on him. She did it when I wasn't around for her to look after. I knew that if I didn't leave the house, she would have to stop so that's what I did. My dad had told me that he was going to leave if she didn't stop. I made this my new goal, not to let him leave again. To do this I first had to stop her from going out which meant I couldn't go out and that's exactly what I did for five years. I stayed inside every single day and night so she had no chance of leaving. It worked. She didn't leave the house. Instead my mom decided she was leaving this time and she was taking me with her. This made me sadder than ever. I had to leave my house and all of my friends and go somewhere I hated. All for some stupid reason.
Today, I am with my mom still unfortunately. I hardly ever see my dad anymore, but that's okay because I would rather have nothing to do with either of them than something to do with both of them.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, March 05, 2010
Control: Dr. Suess Style (in honor of his birth week)
merimnaō- thought, WORRY:
1) to be anxious, to be troubled with cares
2) to care for, look out for a thing, to seek to promote one's interests,
--------------------------------------------
Do not worry about your life (Matt. 6:25)
Do not worry about your wife (1 Cr. 7:33)
Do not worry about food or water (Matt 6:25)
And do not worry about sons or daughters (1 Cr. 7:34)
But shouldn't I, like Martha, work hard every day? (Luke 10:41)
No. Sit with Me.
I take troubles away.
No worry for life? No worry for water? No worry for food or sons or daughters?
What about clothing- a stylish outfit from Macy's
Surely I shouldn't be stuck in the 80's.
Do not worry about stylish clothes
Not hats, pants, boots or ribbons and bows.
Look at my flowers with their delicate beauty
And tell me if Macy's can live up to them, truly.
But how do I know what will happen tomorrow?
We might be in a bind, and then have to borrow
From friends or family or a perfect stranger,
What then? What then? We could be in danger?
Worry not about what will happen tomorrow, (Matt 6:34)
Worry not about having to beg, steal or borrow.
For after all these things the world does seek
your Father knows you have need of these things. (Matt. 6:32)
Worry not for my house,
not for a career.
Not for my kids, pizza, job or root beer.
I think I might like this trusting in You,
I think I might like it
I do. I do.
And....
I think I have learned my eventual goal
That faith in You
means releasing control.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Lent and Maple Syrup
"Gold, silver, bronze, iron, tin, lead and anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean. But it must also be purified with the water of cleansing. And whatever cannot withstand fire must be put through that water." Numbers 31:22-23
One of the first signs of spring in my hometown corner of the world was a trip to my grandfather's sugar shack, usually with my cousins. It was a crude little dirt-floored structure nestled at the edge of a stand of sugar maples. At one end of the shack, a huge metal vat the size of a bathtub filled half of the shack. Underneath the vat, and of a similar size, was a wood burning stove with a curvy little stovepipe that rose from behind the vat and escaped through a hole in the slanted aluminum roof. Bright winter sunlight broke through a thousand tiny cracks in the walls, and on every available stud inside, nails held ladles, spoons, nets and filters. Two folding chairs and a small homemade table were the only other furnishings. It wasn't especially colorful or comfortable inside the shack, but I remember it with a smile. Maybe it was the smell. For 2-3 weeks every spring, a sweet, woodsy aroma of smoke, syrup, moisture and the earthy outdoors combined with the barn-like smell of my grandfather's coveralls. I can almost taste the hope of spring as I type.
The syrup making ritual involved checking sap buckets daily, collecting it in 50 gallon size containers that would then be dumped into the vat in the sugar shack- 43 gallons of sap yields just 1 gallon of sticky, sweet syrup, so this was truly a labor of love. Mixing, testing, stirring, feeding the fire that raged below the vat, skimming the syrup with a net to remove impurities that were distilled to the surface, day and night, batch after batch, waiting for the exact moment of perfection- too long and it would burn, too short and the flavor was weak.
For my part, I was involved as a tourist, but for my grandfather and uncles, it was laborious. The end product? Clear glass quart jars of syrupy, caramel-colored goodness would file into my grandmother's mudroom weeks later.
Today, during this same season of the year, I am involved in an entirely different ritual of purification.
With my prayer, "Cleanse my heart Lord. Purify me from impurities."
I imagine, "Turn up the heat in the old wood stove. Load on the firewood Lord."
With the common practice of giving up something for Lent,
I imagine the excesses of my life being distilled at a rumbling boil, escaping through the curvy stovepipe of my spirit into the vastness above.
With the difficult work of self-reflection and prayer,
I imagine the physical labor of my family members, toting heavy buckets of sap, standing or sitting around a steaming vat day and night, chopping and feeding logs to a ferocious fire for days on end.
And the end result of both processes? A beautiful sweetness that can only be produced through a process- a process of bringing what I have to the sugar shack, stoking the fires of reflection hot, releasing that which is impure (allowing another to skim off the really nasty stuff), and looking forward to the hope of a sweeter, closer relationship with my Maker.
As I allow Him, God is happy to illuminate the clouds of my watery self being released toward Him. He accepts it, releases me from the burden of carrying it, and I anticipate the closeness of knowing Him in all of His flavorful goodness as the days of Lent progress.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Best Medicine
"Researchers estimate that laughing 100 times is equal to 10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike."
"The psychological benefits of humor are quite amazing, according to doctors and nurses who are members of the American Association for Therapeutic Humor. People often store negative emotions, such as anger, sadness and fear, rather than expressing them. Laughter provides a way for these emotions to be harmlessly released."
And it just feels good to laugh. Oh women of Wilmore, my friends, what can I say? I love laughing with you. Thank you for your freedom, your honesty and your openness.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Song for Today
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
I was drawn to confess my lack of faith this morning during the worship service. I have not been seeing my world through faith filled eyes. I confessed my faithless worry to my Father and He filled my heart with peace and the comfort that His love is better and more sure than anything I can concoct or scheme. He spoke to me through the image of me falling on my knees before Him in humility and Him bringing me in and up toward Him in love. How could I doubt a God who has always taken care of me so well. Thank you Lord for your presence and message today. On this Thanksgiving weekend, it is You I am most thankful for.
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
I was drawn to confess my lack of faith this morning during the worship service. I have not been seeing my world through faith filled eyes. I confessed my faithless worry to my Father and He filled my heart with peace and the comfort that His love is better and more sure than anything I can concoct or scheme. He spoke to me through the image of me falling on my knees before Him in humility and Him bringing me in and up toward Him in love. How could I doubt a God who has always taken care of me so well. Thank you Lord for your presence and message today. On this Thanksgiving weekend, it is You I am most thankful for.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Blogging Break
Eric reminded me tonight that it's been a long time since I've blogged. Well, you know the old, "when you don't have anything good to say..."
Yeah, that's been me lately.
It's not that life isn't great. It really is. We are so blessed. Healthy kids. Amazing kids. Jobs that provide what we need. Loving family and friends. A beautiful thriving marriage and a peaceful home. Meaningful ministry experiences etc. So why the blogging drought?
Usually, when I write, it has to be about what is occupying my head, heart and hands at the core. When I try to write about the periphery of my being, it ends up sounding fake and contrived- write, read, press delete, go to bed.
Such has been the routine for the past month.
So what is at the core these days? Just my own impatience. That's all. Its God working on me during our early morning jogs together. It sounds something like this, plodding along in the chilly, fall darkness.
"Less of me God, more of You. Less of me God, more of You. Teach me to love God, let them see You. Less of me God, more of You." Over and over and over. I've tried other words, and they don't seem right.
The rhythm of my feet, my breath, these thoughts, my heart, the fading stars, the growing dawn, it all seems to fit.
Then throughout my day... when I've tried to give the same set of 5 minute directions to a group of 30, 13 year olds 5 times in a row and they can't seem to close their mouths long enough to listen to one simple set of directions, when the multitude of their voices drowns out any hope of us getting through the carefully planned and prepared lesson, when the 15th person asks me 'what page?' and it's written on the board behind me. "Less of me God, more of You."
When yet another teeny girl looks at me with her naive brown eyes and snaps, "I'm not doin this. Its dumb" and she's the 4th one that day... "Less of me God, more of You."
When a gangsta-wanna-be who had been doing so well suddenly stops coming to school then returns and has as much interest in school work as I have in earthworms and I just want to cry for him... "Less of me God, more of You."
That's it. For a whole month, that's all I've had to say that wouldn't be pride, impatience, whining, groaning, or fake.
Prayers are always appreciated. :)
Yeah, that's been me lately.
It's not that life isn't great. It really is. We are so blessed. Healthy kids. Amazing kids. Jobs that provide what we need. Loving family and friends. A beautiful thriving marriage and a peaceful home. Meaningful ministry experiences etc. So why the blogging drought?
Usually, when I write, it has to be about what is occupying my head, heart and hands at the core. When I try to write about the periphery of my being, it ends up sounding fake and contrived- write, read, press delete, go to bed.
Such has been the routine for the past month.
So what is at the core these days? Just my own impatience. That's all. Its God working on me during our early morning jogs together. It sounds something like this, plodding along in the chilly, fall darkness.
"Less of me God, more of You. Less of me God, more of You. Teach me to love God, let them see You. Less of me God, more of You." Over and over and over. I've tried other words, and they don't seem right.
The rhythm of my feet, my breath, these thoughts, my heart, the fading stars, the growing dawn, it all seems to fit.
Then throughout my day... when I've tried to give the same set of 5 minute directions to a group of 30, 13 year olds 5 times in a row and they can't seem to close their mouths long enough to listen to one simple set of directions, when the multitude of their voices drowns out any hope of us getting through the carefully planned and prepared lesson, when the 15th person asks me 'what page?' and it's written on the board behind me. "Less of me God, more of You."
When yet another teeny girl looks at me with her naive brown eyes and snaps, "I'm not doin this. Its dumb" and she's the 4th one that day... "Less of me God, more of You."
When a gangsta-wanna-be who had been doing so well suddenly stops coming to school then returns and has as much interest in school work as I have in earthworms and I just want to cry for him... "Less of me God, more of You."
That's it. For a whole month, that's all I've had to say that wouldn't be pride, impatience, whining, groaning, or fake.
Prayers are always appreciated. :)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The Beauty of Woman
My husband gave me a gift yesterday- a day of spiritual retreat. It is a practice we've wanted to instill regularly for a long time. We'll take turns, him one month, me the next. So on my day (I only took a morning this month), I went to the Arboretum and spent some time listening and reading. I learned what a sycamore tree looks like, that sassafrass trees have random mitten shaped leaves, and I watched flowers literally turn their budded heads to face the warm sun from under the shade of a tree.
I really didn't know what to expect from this day, so I decided to expect nothing. In the car on the way out, I simply prayed, "Jesus, I just want to hang out with you today. What do you want to do? No agendas. No burning questions for you to answer for me. Just me and you, chillin with the trees and shrubs." He seemed fine with that.
So we walked for a while, around the paths, my Savior and I. I listened. I held my thoughts captive and wondered what my friend, my Lord might want to make of our time together.
I read some CS Lewis and ran across this section on beauty that blew me away. I can't do it justice, but I'll quote one short part. He writes:
"To desire the desiring of her own beauty is the vanity of Lillith, but to desire the enjoying of her own beauty is the obedience of Eve, and to both, it is in the lover that the beloved tastes her own delightfulness." Almost immediately an image of a calm, cool pool of water, completely still, surrounded by trees, came to mind along with the message, "This is you." This is the beauty that is me. It is Him in me- this calm stillness. This is His purpose for me. I am at my best when I am bringing peace. All of the hopes and dreams and joys of my life are connected to this still water in some way. I love to bring peace-
Peace to a college dorm full of girls struggling to find themselves
Peace to a Kenyan man far from home in the form of a meal
Peace to an insecure middle school child
Peace to a tired new mom or dad
Peace to my children after a long day at school
Peace to a missionary in Haiti who runs marathons to feed children
Peace to two little orphaned girls someday
Peace to friends and family who want a place to call home for a while
Peace to a Korean mom who wants to learn English
Peace to a new neighbor or to complete strangers.
I'm not flashy or wild. I'm not the surf crashing on a shore or a majestic Hawaiin waterfall. When I'm at my best, living into who I'm created to be, I'm that still pool that invites you to come, dip your toes, sit a while and feel the presence of my friend Jesus with me.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
At the Heartbeat
I don't have any affiliation with this church, but Jeremiah posted this promo on his blog, and I had to respond. It makes my heart pitter pat. It brings a lump to my throat and makes me want to stand up and cheer, YES! They nailed it. This is at the heart of what I want in a church, in my church, in THE church. So many of us want this. Then the more rational me takes over. What are the implications? What sacred cows get tipped? Should we be concerned?
I want to say, Heck No! Go. do. be! But I do want to be prepared to avoid a pendulum swing that can, and often does swing off course in the opposite direction when momumental change takes place. And many people think we are on the cusp of monumental church change in our generation. So what prevents people (us) from being the church 7 days a week traditionally, and what does it look like when this "ideation" goes bad or good for that matter? I don't know. But its worth finding out.
Friday, July 31, 2009
A Prayer for Boys
My prayer for my boys today:
I thank my God every time I remember you, even when you're driving me crazy.
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy (Lord help me) because of your partnership with the gospel from the first day until now. Your partnership with the gospel currently results from your connection to your family, but I pray that someday it will become your own.
I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. He will carry on the good work in you, not me.
I have you in my heart.
All of you share in God's grace with me. Thank you Lord!
And this is my prayer:
that your love may abound more and more
in knowledge and depth of insight,
so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be
pure
and blameless for the day of Christ,
filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-
to the glory and praise of God.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Rx for Mommy-crazies= Solitude
I read a little bit of Richard Foster's chapter on solitude the other day without any huge 'ah ha' moments. Then today, I was a little on edge for my own reasons, and it was my day to be home with the boys. Overall, we had a great day- played outside lots, didn't watch TV or play computer, no fights, no time-outs, but I was just grouchy most of the day. We were in the van on the way home from Lex and I finally had to say, "OK, Mommy will not be answering any more questions until we get home."
The previous 45 minutes had sounded something like:
E: "Mommy, when can I get my motorcycle driver's license."
Me: I don't know. When you're not living at home anymore.
E: But when am I allowed to...
I: (interrupting him) Um, Mommy?!? Where are we going?
E: Hey, Isaiah interrupted me.
Me: Yes, Isaiah, you interrupted. Elijah go ahead and finish.
E: Um, yeah so, I forget, but Mommy?...
Me: Yeah, ...
I: Mommy? Can we go to McDonalds
Me: No we're not going to McDonalds
E: Hey, Isaiah interrupted me again. You guys keep ignoring me.
M: Hey Mommy!
Me: Yes.
M: That was Toys R Us. Can we get a Nintendo DS?
Me: No
M: When can we get a DS? How much does it cost?
E: Mommy? How much money will you and Daddy give me to buy my first car?
Me: What?
I: Can I buy that car right there?
Me: (Silence- ignoring them)
I: (louder) Mommy! That red one right there beside us... look now... you're going to miss it... (crying now!!!) Mommy, you missed it. It was the car I really want!
So yeah, replay that for 45 mintues and I'd had enough. Our day continued much the same- we played on the trampoline, Eric got home, we ate dinner, and he took the boys outside to play for the last 45 mintues of the day. I did dishes and swept the floor... and I felt it- the beauty of solitude. The 45 minutes I spent cleaning the kitchen and sweeping the floor were my best moments all day. I prayed, hummed a tune, had a complete thought or two without interruption, I savored the laughter of children outside, I smelled dish soap, washed fresh garden veggies and marveled at the perfection of a red ripe tomato.
Foster writes, "These tiny snatches of time are often lost to us. What a pity! They can and should be redeemed. They are times for inner quiet, for reorienting our lives like a compass needle. They are little moments that help us to be genuinely present where we are." Capturing little moments of 'silence' helps us to be genuinely present. I can not imagine the crazy person I would be if these pockets of time didn't avail themselves regularly- with the help of Eric of course who knows better than anyone that without a few minutes to myself, you'll get nothing but sarcasm out of me. :)
The previous 45 minutes had sounded something like:
E: "Mommy, when can I get my motorcycle driver's license."
Me: I don't know. When you're not living at home anymore.
E: But when am I allowed to...
I: (interrupting him) Um, Mommy?!? Where are we going?
E: Hey, Isaiah interrupted me.
Me: Yes, Isaiah, you interrupted. Elijah go ahead and finish.
E: Um, yeah so, I forget, but Mommy?...
Me: Yeah, ...
I: Mommy? Can we go to McDonalds
Me: No we're not going to McDonalds
E: Hey, Isaiah interrupted me again. You guys keep ignoring me.
M: Hey Mommy!
Me: Yes.
M: That was Toys R Us. Can we get a Nintendo DS?
Me: No
M: When can we get a DS? How much does it cost?
E: Mommy? How much money will you and Daddy give me to buy my first car?
Me: What?
I: Can I buy that car right there?
Me: (Silence- ignoring them)
I: (louder) Mommy! That red one right there beside us... look now... you're going to miss it... (crying now!!!) Mommy, you missed it. It was the car I really want!
So yeah, replay that for 45 mintues and I'd had enough. Our day continued much the same- we played on the trampoline, Eric got home, we ate dinner, and he took the boys outside to play for the last 45 mintues of the day. I did dishes and swept the floor... and I felt it- the beauty of solitude. The 45 minutes I spent cleaning the kitchen and sweeping the floor were my best moments all day. I prayed, hummed a tune, had a complete thought or two without interruption, I savored the laughter of children outside, I smelled dish soap, washed fresh garden veggies and marveled at the perfection of a red ripe tomato.
Foster writes, "These tiny snatches of time are often lost to us. What a pity! They can and should be redeemed. They are times for inner quiet, for reorienting our lives like a compass needle. They are little moments that help us to be genuinely present where we are." Capturing little moments of 'silence' helps us to be genuinely present. I can not imagine the crazy person I would be if these pockets of time didn't avail themselves regularly- with the help of Eric of course who knows better than anyone that without a few minutes to myself, you'll get nothing but sarcasm out of me. :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
School's not cool
We have made a new friend, Paul, from Kenya. He eats with us frequently and shares many stories of his country and home. He has already become such a blessing to our family- enlarging our hearts and opening our eyes to a world beyond our own trivial worries.
Last night he was sharing about school in Kenya. Students have to pay for uniforms, books and school fees to attend school. It is a great privilege to attend school. Children cry if they have to stay home from school for any reason and walk many miles sometimes to get an education.
I shared that overall, the perspective of US school children is disappointingly different. Most don't want to go to school. Teenagers work hard to skip school and many drop out as soon as they are old enough in favor of going their own way.
He was not surprised, just shook his head and said wisely, as he often seems to do, "They do not understand that 'I am because we are, and we are because I am. (from Desmund Tutu I think he said)'" He went on to explain that in Kenya, children know and understand that their entire existence is dependant on the "we" and the fate of the "we" is dependant on the responsibility (or lack thereof) of the individual. So if I am successful in school, I can help my whole family and whole community. If I squander my chances, I may indirectly or directly cause the death of my family members, friends and community because I become a burden to them, a mouth to feed that can not contribute as effectively as one who pursues his opportunities- whatever they may be- farming, education, etc.
So, short of exposing our children to the travesites of poverty and death, how do our children learn a sense of "we." How do they come to the important realization that their actions, even as young adolescents, will have far reaching effects for their children, their husbands and wives and even their grandchildren? From teaching this age for a few years, I would assert that they have little to NO understanding of cause and effect that transcends their own lives. Psychologists say this is a normal phase of their development- that adolescents are trapped in a "me" world that is healthy and normal until they move onto the next phase of their development. But is that entirely true? It may help us understand them but should we let them languish there? What can we do to broaden their perspectives? And in so doing broaden our own as adults.
I am because we are, and we are because I am.
Last night he was sharing about school in Kenya. Students have to pay for uniforms, books and school fees to attend school. It is a great privilege to attend school. Children cry if they have to stay home from school for any reason and walk many miles sometimes to get an education.
I shared that overall, the perspective of US school children is disappointingly different. Most don't want to go to school. Teenagers work hard to skip school and many drop out as soon as they are old enough in favor of going their own way.
He was not surprised, just shook his head and said wisely, as he often seems to do, "They do not understand that 'I am because we are, and we are because I am. (from Desmund Tutu I think he said)'" He went on to explain that in Kenya, children know and understand that their entire existence is dependant on the "we" and the fate of the "we" is dependant on the responsibility (or lack thereof) of the individual. So if I am successful in school, I can help my whole family and whole community. If I squander my chances, I may indirectly or directly cause the death of my family members, friends and community because I become a burden to them, a mouth to feed that can not contribute as effectively as one who pursues his opportunities- whatever they may be- farming, education, etc.
So, short of exposing our children to the travesites of poverty and death, how do our children learn a sense of "we." How do they come to the important realization that their actions, even as young adolescents, will have far reaching effects for their children, their husbands and wives and even their grandchildren? From teaching this age for a few years, I would assert that they have little to NO understanding of cause and effect that transcends their own lives. Psychologists say this is a normal phase of their development- that adolescents are trapped in a "me" world that is healthy and normal until they move onto the next phase of their development. But is that entirely true? It may help us understand them but should we let them languish there? What can we do to broaden their perspectives? And in so doing broaden our own as adults.
I am because we are, and we are because I am.
Friday, July 03, 2009
The weight of human life
"We can't accept that a plane is banned from Europe but still allowed to fly in Africa. It's the proof that our world isn't fair and that human beings don't weigh the same depending on which side of the Mediterranean they are," said Gilles Poux, mayor of the Paris suburb of La Courneuve, where Comorans gathered for prayers.
A plane crash in the Seychelles islands- Comoros- off the coast of Mozambique (kind of that area) claims many lives- no number yet since a survivor has been found and they're hoping for others. Many of the travelers were French citizens and the plane they boarded in Paris or Marseille was approved and safe. They then switched airplanes in an African country and boarded an airplace that did not have EU approval. This is the plane that crashed into the sea while landing and although officials say it was not due to mechanics, apparently the above mayor in Paris doesn't think this is true.
The values placed on human life reach far beyond race and ethnicity issues of North America. On virtually every corner of our planet we'll find the existance of unfair practices involving particular people groups. Obviously this is not the way we were intended to live with each other. Obviously God values each of these lives equally. We are all his children and He desires good things for all of us. It is difficult to even imagine a world where all lives weigh the same in the eyes of man. Just one more reason to anicipate the Kingdom that is "not yet."
Monday, June 29, 2009
Bring Hope in Suffering
(picture has nothing to do with the quote... just a cute pic of our tent loving boys)Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change, Something
David Crowder
Working on the fall reader has had me thinking a lot about the pain and suffering others experience and how I isolate myself from even empathizing with them 99% of the time. I want to change that somehow. Still praying about what it looks like completely, but I've got some thoughts in mind. More to come. Also, I'm going to try and post something every day for a while. We'll see how that goes. :) Praying tonight that I can learn not to fear suffering- in myself or in others.
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