34 Excuses

I have a student who begs, BEGS to leave class over and over and over.
He does it in every class, all day long (his other teachers and I have talked). We've tried all strategies. I thought it might be fun to record a list of the ones I can remember from the recent past. Keep in mind that every request is met with begging, arguing and complete disrupting of class until he gets his way or you give him a discipline consequence for being argumentative.
1) I have a nose bleed (holding his hand over his nose, head tipped back. He didn't really have a nose bleed.)
2) I bumped my knee on the desk. I need to go get some ice.
3) I have a splinter in my finger and it really hurts. I need to see the nurse.
4) I really have to pee. Please can I go. (After having just come back from the bathroom 10 minutes earlier.)Please please please please please
5) I have a scrape on my knuckle. I need a Band-Aid. See it?? Right Here... for real Mrs. Crisp. Look. (I look, there is nothing that I can see without a microscope).
6) I need to turn in a form to the guidance office. Me: And where is this form? Oh it's in my locker, but I have to go get it and turn it in right now. It has to be in today. I promise. Its in my locker. Just right outside the door. They said...
7) _______ took my shoes in gym class and I have his on and they're too tight. Can I go find him and trade back with him? If I take these off they're really going to stick cause ___ has smelly feet and they'll be smelling up this whole room.
8) Can I go get a drink of water? I'm so thirsty that I can't even pick up a pencil or listen so I'm not going to do anything anyway until I get a drink.
9) I twisted my ankle in gym and it really hurts. Can I go get some ice?
10) My mom said that I needed to call her at 2:00 to remind her to come and pick me up. I need to go to the office to call home. I'm for real. She'll forget me.
11) I need to go call home to have my dad bring me some Advil. I've got a headache. I'm not going to get anything done until my headache goes away so you might as well let me go.
12) I have the wrong binder. Can I go to my locker to get my LA binder?
13) ______ has my binder and I need to go get it from him. It has my homework in it.
14) I don't have a pencil. Can I go buy one from the machine?
15) I don't have any paper. Can I go buy some from the machine?
16) I can't see from my seat. Can I go get my glasses out of my locker? I didn't wear my contacts today. (Comes back with no glasses) I must have left them at home.
17) _________ took my glasses between classes. Can I go get them back?
18) I need to go to the office to call home. Its an emergency. Its personal.
19) Can I go wash my hands? I've got ink all over them and its going to get all over the desk.
20) Can I go wash my hands? I think ____ has the swine flu and she sneezed on me with her germs. Hand sanitizer just isn't going to cut that crud.
21) Can I go wash my hands? I've got white-out all over them and I can't do my work because my pencil keeps slipping right out of my fingers. (He had painted every finger completely white)
22) My chair keeps tipping. Its broken. I need a new chair. I can't learn like this. Can I go ask Mr. Wayne for a new chair? (custodian)
23) (15 minutes late for class) My locker was stuck. You can call Mr. Wayne. Call him. He'll tell you. It was stuck I swear.
24) Can I go to the bathroom? I have a note now. From my doctor saying I have a medical problem. I need to go when I need to go.
25) Can I go talk to the counselor? I have an issue. Its too personal to talk about here right now.
26-30) Can I go talk to ___(insert and one of his 5 other teachers names here)_____ because she wrote me up. I got called to the office last hour because she wrote me up for no reason. I need to go talk to her.
And on and on and on.....
Oh oh oh, I forgot all of the braces related requests
31) My bracket broke
32) I need a rubber band from my locker
33) There's something stuck in my bracket and it really hurts. (totally in my personal space opening his mouth) SEEE!!
34) I just got my braces tightened and they really hurt. I need some ice.

There are so many more if you can believe it- all from one child, Every. Single. Day. By the time I get home, I don't want to answer a question ever again. Can't something be done, you ask? Where is the justice? Where is the system? Where is the principal? Haven't you told someone, you ask?
My answer: all of the someones have been told and there's nothing left to do but blog about it. :)